Originally posted on Gigging Forever in April 2012
Crikey, it's been a couple of weeks since the last critically acclaimed installment of "Fat boy leaves it too late to train for a 10k". I know you're all on the edge of your seats, wondering what's been going on.
Well, after my prowess running in the rain, I was feeling jolly pleased with myself and went out a couple of days later to start on Week 5 of the training programme - that's 50/50 running and walking. Ah, yes, walking. In case you thought I was actually going for full, proper runs when I was writing previously, you clearly know nothing of how us serious athletes get in prime condition.
Nope, obviously the only way to do this properly is to follow some kind of sensible training plan, and mine comes in the form of a handy iPhone app which contains a programme claiming to get you from sitting on your arse eating Giant Buttons to 10k prowess in 12 weeks, by means of working up from mostly walking with a bit of running, to running the whole time. (We'll ignore that I'm only on week 5 and there are only 5 weeks to go, why would you point that out, are you trying to make me feel bad, you heartless bastard, yes or no? YES OR NO?)
Anyway, I used one of these apps last year to get me up to a reasonable 5k time, and it was rather nice. It had a lovely woman's real voice (sounding like the female version of Holly from Red Dwarf), and she'd whisper sweet words of encouragement into your ear as you were running, like "Halfway to go, you're doing really well!", and "If this is feeling difficult, don't forget that you're running four times further than you were this time two weeks ago!", and "Do you know how amazing you are? Would you like to go out some time?" - the last one only seemed to kick in when I ran so fast that my brain got starved of Oxygen, so I'm not 100% on that one.
Unfortunately, the makers of this app don't have a 10k version, so I had a to buy a different one for 10k, and, well, it's a little less friendly. Instead of the nice friendly, encouraging lady, there's a computerised voice which barks "RUN NOW" and "WALK NOW", which is rather less nurturing but somehow prompts results in a different way. Perhaps it ought to have a Russian accent and then the effect would be complete.
Coupled with this, I'm finding it a little bit harder in general this year, for several reasons.
1. I'm about a stone heavier than I was this time last year. I thought this would somehow sort itself out when I started running, but I was shocked, stunned and surprised to find that pounds didn't immediately fall off as soon as I put on my shorts. Hence I'm essentially lugging about 14 extra bags of sugar, thereby running slower, thereby losing less weight... I suppose I could lay off the food, but running makes you flipping hungry, especially when you stop. I really ought to stop running past Pizza Hut on my way home.
2. I did it last year so therefore I assume I will do it fine this year without trying too hard. I have a feeling there's a nasty surprise on its way with my name on it.
3. I started way, way waaaaay too late this year. Last year I was out in January, this year it was March before I really got going.
4. My flipping calf muscle...
Ah yes, the calf muscle. Maybe that's a story for next time.
In the meantime...
I reached my £250 target and am now officially allowed to run. Hurrah! But I don't like to do things half-heartedly so I've now doubled my target.
To that end, how would you like to sponsor me if you haven't already? I'm still hoping that the more money I raise, the faster I will magically be able to run, so why don't you put that to the test?
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/JamesHendry
Ta muchly!
Crikey, it's been a couple of weeks since the last critically acclaimed installment of "Fat boy leaves it too late to train for a 10k". I know you're all on the edge of your seats, wondering what's been going on.
Well, after my prowess running in the rain, I was feeling jolly pleased with myself and went out a couple of days later to start on Week 5 of the training programme - that's 50/50 running and walking. Ah, yes, walking. In case you thought I was actually going for full, proper runs when I was writing previously, you clearly know nothing of how us serious athletes get in prime condition.
Nope, obviously the only way to do this properly is to follow some kind of sensible training plan, and mine comes in the form of a handy iPhone app which contains a programme claiming to get you from sitting on your arse eating Giant Buttons to 10k prowess in 12 weeks, by means of working up from mostly walking with a bit of running, to running the whole time. (We'll ignore that I'm only on week 5 and there are only 5 weeks to go, why would you point that out, are you trying to make me feel bad, you heartless bastard, yes or no? YES OR NO?)
 |
| Excuse me, I'm talking here, it's called the Jeremy Kyle Show... I don't know what you're laughing about, darling. |
Anyway, I used one of these apps last year to get me up to a reasonable 5k time, and it was rather nice. It had a lovely woman's real voice (sounding like the female version of Holly from Red Dwarf), and she'd whisper sweet words of encouragement into your ear as you were running, like "Halfway to go, you're doing really well!", and "If this is feeling difficult, don't forget that you're running four times further than you were this time two weeks ago!", and "Do you know how amazing you are? Would you like to go out some time?" - the last one only seemed to kick in when I ran so fast that my brain got starved of Oxygen, so I'm not 100% on that one.
Unfortunately, the makers of this app don't have a 10k version, so I had a to buy a different one for 10k, and, well, it's a little less friendly. Instead of the nice friendly, encouraging lady, there's a computerised voice which barks "RUN NOW" and "WALK NOW", which is rather less nurturing but somehow prompts results in a different way. Perhaps it ought to have a Russian accent and then the effect would be complete.
 |
| RUN! RUN YOU PUNY WORM!!! |
Coupled with this, I'm finding it a little bit harder in general this year, for several reasons.
1. I'm about a stone heavier than I was this time last year. I thought this would somehow sort itself out when I started running, but I was shocked, stunned and surprised to find that pounds didn't immediately fall off as soon as I put on my shorts. Hence I'm essentially lugging about 14 extra bags of sugar, thereby running slower, thereby losing less weight... I suppose I could lay off the food, but running makes you flipping hungry, especially when you stop. I really ought to stop running past Pizza Hut on my way home.
2. I did it last year so therefore I assume I will do it fine this year without trying too hard. I have a feeling there's a nasty surprise on its way with my name on it.
3. I started way, way waaaaay too late this year. Last year I was out in January, this year it was March before I really got going.
4. My flipping calf muscle...
Ah yes, the calf muscle. Maybe that's a story for next time.
In the meantime...
I reached my £250 target and am now officially allowed to run. Hurrah! But I don't like to do things half-heartedly so I've now doubled my target.
To that end, how would you like to sponsor me if you haven't already? I'm still hoping that the more money I raise, the faster I will magically be able to run, so why don't you put that to the test?
http://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/JamesHendry
Ta muchly!
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