Previously on "How (not) to train for a Marathon": Horror-inducing gubbins about training plans
Ow-oo-ow-oo-ow-oo-ow... unbelievable! (Pain)
Plantar Fasciitis. Acute Tibial Stress. Peroneal Tendonitis. Illotibial Band Syndrome.
No, these aren't Finnish death metal bands, they're injuries which you can look forward to sustaining when trying to train for a long race without enough care and attention to your physical well-being.
I managed to get all of these at various points, for a variety of reasons:
a) I pushed it too far in training, desperate to beat some arbitrary milestone or time that only I cared about. "Why don't you stop timing your runs and just go out and enjoy them?", said my sister Helen at one point. "You don't know me at all, do you?", I said to my sister Helen.
b) Having injured myself, I didn't do anything about it and, much like The Beautiful South, carried on regardless.
c) Having endured the first injury for so long that it could no longer be ignored, I eventually had to seek some professional advice which was not from Wikihow or "WebPhysio4UInnit.com". At this point, I then had to completely stop training for much longer than I would have done otherwise - after which I then felt I had to catch up, when I finally could run again, meaning that I then injured something else.
d) I'm just a bit of a plonker, in general.
So, what did I learn along the way? Well, I learned that you really, really need to start looking into muscle and tendon niggles as soon as they crop up, otherwise they are inevitably going to turn into a real issue before too long.
I say I learned that, but I actually knew that before I started training, and I ignored it because it's too expensive / too much hassle to go to physio sessions, and doing the exercises they give you is hard, boring work. So I will probably do it again, and so will you, even though you're reading this. Don't pretend you won't. Just don't say I didn't tell you when you are completely unable to run for 6 months and counting, like I am right now...
How can you avoid getting injured in the first place? Well, how about you have a little read of this article which tells you all you need to know (apologies to my Guardian-hating friends but I don't *think* this is likely to cause any major political debate...) I particularly enjoy how I managed to suffer from all their top 3 issues, and ignore 90% of their advice. Why are you listening to anything I have to say, again?
Oh, and don't forget that your toenails will probably go black and fall off eventually, too. You're welcome!
It's all for Charidee, mate!
Raising money for charity is one of the main reasons people do these insane challenges, and actually even if you don't have to because you've got in through a ballot, it's almost rude not to try to raise a few quid anyway. I did - if nothing else, it provides an extra bit of motivation to get out there training when the weather is like Reykavik on a bad day and your normal route through the local park turns into a Tough Mudder.
If you do have to... good luck. I have a friend who had to put in nearly a grand of his own money when he didn't manage to get enough donations for his London Marathon run. Not that I want to put you off or anything.
My main tip is to sign up to support a charity that really means something to you. I'm sure those Mongolian Yaks appreciate your help, but is the vision of those furry wet noses and pleading big brown eyes going to spur you on to start running again at mile 24 in the same way as the memory of your Grandad's illness, or a family friend you lost to cancer, or the thought of those kids at your local special needs school?
I'd also suggest you don't put too much pressure on yourself - there's a lady at my work who's doing this year's Brighton Marathon, and as well as all the training, she's also organising coffee mornings and disco nights to bump up her totals. Now, I take my non-existent hat off to her, but I put myself under enough stress just holding down a job and maintaining some kind of personal relationships with select important people, whilst trying to complete even 70% of the training programme - there's no sodding way I'd be trying to organise bake sales and the like at the same time. Plus, if anything was getting baked while I was in training mode, it was not leaving the house uneaten, let's put it that way.
Of course if you don't do this, you are pretty much reduced to just asking people for money. Facebook is great for this, Twitter less so: I always liken Twitter to standing in a corner of Grand Central Station and trying to impart some important information to the entire population of New York in your normal speaking voice. So, Facebook it is, then - and there are varying schools of thought on how best to do this.
My preferred approach is to put up increasingly desperate statuses with links to my sponsorship page. Starting with "Hey, I'm doing this race and raising money for this awesome cause, fancy sponsoring me?", moving through "Got a way to go now and I really need some motivation, please give generously if you can", all the way to "Here's a horrid photo of me in a lurid running singlet, please for the love of God can you just give me £5 to make it go away?"
I've found that some people will sponsor you immediately, some just need reminding 13 times (I am one of these, personally), some apparently don't think it's aimed at them if you don't specifically name them in it (I actually heard this from someone.) And some will, presumably just to annoy you, like your post asking for sponsorship and then not actually sponsor you.
I actually had a minor disagreement with my sister Helen about how to ask for sponsorship on Facebook, she was of the opinion that I should send people private messages specifically asking for sponsorship, and I was of the opinion that this would be blooming annoying. She was probably right though - the direct approach seems to work for supervillains...
The best thing I can say about running for charity, though, is the wonderful community of people you can meet as a result. Unfortunately if your charity isn't that big, you may not always get the pre-and post-race meet and greet, but when it happens it's great and gives you a wonderful buzz.
Big shout out to the lovely folks at the Cure Parkinson's Trust - they'll give you jelly babies and cheer you on as you go past (assuming you don't miss them), and they have a very dedicated bunch of fund raisers, including this completely bonkers lady who is running 2 marathons and an ultra marathon in the space of 6 weeks.
I'm not doing any fund raising myself this year, but if you're feeling generous and would like to donate the money you would have sponsored me for the race I now can't do because of my latest favourite Finnish Metal band, then please consider chucking her a few quid.
Next time: What (not) to eat.
Ow-oo-ow-oo-ow-oo-ow... unbelievable! (Pain)
Plantar Fasciitis. Acute Tibial Stress. Peroneal Tendonitis. Illotibial Band Syndrome.
No, these aren't Finnish death metal bands, they're injuries which you can look forward to sustaining when trying to train for a long race without enough care and attention to your physical well-being.
I managed to get all of these at various points, for a variety of reasons:
a) I pushed it too far in training, desperate to beat some arbitrary milestone or time that only I cared about. "Why don't you stop timing your runs and just go out and enjoy them?", said my sister Helen at one point. "You don't know me at all, do you?", I said to my sister Helen.
b) Having injured myself, I didn't do anything about it and, much like The Beautiful South, carried on regardless.
c) Having endured the first injury for so long that it could no longer be ignored, I eventually had to seek some professional advice which was not from Wikihow or "WebPhysio4UInnit.com". At this point, I then had to completely stop training for much longer than I would have done otherwise - after which I then felt I had to catch up, when I finally could run again, meaning that I then injured something else.
d) I'm just a bit of a plonker, in general.
 |
| Here, have some peroneal tendonitis. No, that isn't related to the part of the anatomy that you think it is... |
So, what did I learn along the way? Well, I learned that you really, really need to start looking into muscle and tendon niggles as soon as they crop up, otherwise they are inevitably going to turn into a real issue before too long.
I say I learned that, but I actually knew that before I started training, and I ignored it because it's too expensive / too much hassle to go to physio sessions, and doing the exercises they give you is hard, boring work. So I will probably do it again, and so will you, even though you're reading this. Don't pretend you won't. Just don't say I didn't tell you when you are completely unable to run for 6 months and counting, like I am right now...
How can you avoid getting injured in the first place? Well, how about you have a little read of this article which tells you all you need to know (apologies to my Guardian-hating friends but I don't *think* this is likely to cause any major political debate...) I particularly enjoy how I managed to suffer from all their top 3 issues, and ignore 90% of their advice. Why are you listening to anything I have to say, again?
Oh, and don't forget that your toenails will probably go black and fall off eventually, too. You're welcome!
It's all for Charidee, mate!
Raising money for charity is one of the main reasons people do these insane challenges, and actually even if you don't have to because you've got in through a ballot, it's almost rude not to try to raise a few quid anyway. I did - if nothing else, it provides an extra bit of motivation to get out there training when the weather is like Reykavik on a bad day and your normal route through the local park turns into a Tough Mudder.
If you do have to... good luck. I have a friend who had to put in nearly a grand of his own money when he didn't manage to get enough donations for his London Marathon run. Not that I want to put you off or anything.
My main tip is to sign up to support a charity that really means something to you. I'm sure those Mongolian Yaks appreciate your help, but is the vision of those furry wet noses and pleading big brown eyes going to spur you on to start running again at mile 24 in the same way as the memory of your Grandad's illness, or a family friend you lost to cancer, or the thought of those kids at your local special needs school?
 |
| "What's that? You're running 26 miles to help me? I'm actually fine, you know - look at all this grass. Go and have a sit down instead. Pillock." |
I'd also suggest you don't put too much pressure on yourself - there's a lady at my work who's doing this year's Brighton Marathon, and as well as all the training, she's also organising coffee mornings and disco nights to bump up her totals. Now, I take my non-existent hat off to her, but I put myself under enough stress just holding down a job and maintaining some kind of personal relationships with select important people, whilst trying to complete even 70% of the training programme - there's no sodding way I'd be trying to organise bake sales and the like at the same time. Plus, if anything was getting baked while I was in training mode, it was not leaving the house uneaten, let's put it that way.
Of course if you don't do this, you are pretty much reduced to just asking people for money. Facebook is great for this, Twitter less so: I always liken Twitter to standing in a corner of Grand Central Station and trying to impart some important information to the entire population of New York in your normal speaking voice. So, Facebook it is, then - and there are varying schools of thought on how best to do this.
My preferred approach is to put up increasingly desperate statuses with links to my sponsorship page. Starting with "Hey, I'm doing this race and raising money for this awesome cause, fancy sponsoring me?", moving through "Got a way to go now and I really need some motivation, please give generously if you can", all the way to "Here's a horrid photo of me in a lurid running singlet, please for the love of God can you just give me £5 to make it go away?"
 |
| I've made this as small as possible for minimum ocular impact. |
I've found that some people will sponsor you immediately, some just need reminding 13 times (I am one of these, personally), some apparently don't think it's aimed at them if you don't specifically name them in it (I actually heard this from someone.) And some will, presumably just to annoy you, like your post asking for sponsorship and then not actually sponsor you.
I actually had a minor disagreement with my sister Helen about how to ask for sponsorship on Facebook, she was of the opinion that I should send people private messages specifically asking for sponsorship, and I was of the opinion that this would be blooming annoying. She was probably right though - the direct approach seems to work for supervillains...
The best thing I can say about running for charity, though, is the wonderful community of people you can meet as a result. Unfortunately if your charity isn't that big, you may not always get the pre-and post-race meet and greet, but when it happens it's great and gives you a wonderful buzz.
Big shout out to the lovely folks at the Cure Parkinson's Trust - they'll give you jelly babies and cheer you on as you go past (assuming you don't miss them), and they have a very dedicated bunch of fund raisers, including this completely bonkers lady who is running 2 marathons and an ultra marathon in the space of 6 weeks.
I'm not doing any fund raising myself this year, but if you're feeling generous and would like to donate the money you would have sponsored me for the race I now can't do because of my latest favourite Finnish Metal band, then please consider chucking her a few quid.
Next time: What (not) to eat.
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